Well, according to website Christwire that science teacher was nothing more than a filthy whore with a dirty mouth (personally I thought she was a vindictive old bag but I digress). They’ve come up with a whole lot of alternatives to use instead of vagina. Lucky it’s a pisstake. Some of these are plain disturbing. Imaginative yet disturbing.

Now I’m sure there are women out there who actively enjoy the thrill of the chase with their reward of a hot young tradie at the end of it. But please, doesn’t it all get just a little exhausting. All that exercise, and having to make sure your makeup looks good and your hair is blow dried. But for me it would be having to have a conversation with them. It’s not like you can discuss your mortgage, or job security, or even that cow at work. No grown up conversations are for well grown ups. But I’m assuming scintillating conversation is not the big attraction here.

Do you know that Australia is holding a Miss Cougar Convention in June? It will be attended by the Miss Cougars from Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney as well as lots of other cougars and cubs (hot young men). To be eligible to be Miss Cougar you must be legally single, over 35 and have a taste for young men. I’ll bet their mothers are thrilled.

Cougar websites, cougar dating sites and cougar gatherings abound. TV show Cougar Town stars Courtney Cox as a cougar on the prowl but it’s rapidly becoming Divorced Mother Has Hots for Older Neighbour Across the Road instead of Divorced Mother Seeks Sexual Satisfaction with Much Younger Men.

In the interest of fairness I’ve come upon some reasons for cougarness from the website Your Tango.

1. Younger guys know how to live well on less. Apparently eating in is very appealing because cubs are poor. That’s because you have become his mother substitute. And apparently cougar cubs like to take their cougars camping. Kill me now.
2. Inexperience equals eagerness. It’s reported that we older women like nothing better than to take young men in hand and show them how to be super lovers who know how to kiss properly and avoid jackhammering. Who would think you’d need a lesson plan as well as condoms for sex?
3. Newer engine, better ride. These cubs are up for it all night long. Me I’m liking my sleep all night long. I just don’t have the energy.
4. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. The teaching never ends. Not only do cougars enjoy teaching sex, they also enjoy moulding their young impressionable minds. Are these people frustrated school teachers or what?
5. It’s a vacation for you, no travelling required. You get to laugh more with your cub (which reportedly makes you younger) and also get the opportunity to wear mini-skirts and high heels and appear on Jerry Springer (I made the last bit up).

Aaahhh. Too much work I say.

Who I really feel sorry for are those older women who have formed relationships with younger men who are horrified to be labelled cougars. Again it’s we women who look ridiculous in the situation. At least men who date women are called sugar daddies, they retain some element of humanity. Women are lumped in with a predatory cat.

Cougar sites claim all sorts of people as their own. Apparently Helen Mirren is a cougar although her husband is the same age. Also Oscar winning director Kathryn Bigelow is apparently a cougar as she is dating a much younger man. Demi Moore is the cougar pin up girl and Cameron Diaz crops up regularly despite breaking up with Justin Timberlake eons ago. This is shameful. Why do we have to label it especially with such a put down term. Can’t they just be two adults in an adult affair. Call me crazy here but I don’t think Cameron Diaz had to show Justin Timberlake any sexual techniques so maybe they just liked each other (and then didn’t)

My point here is not to put women down for the choices they make particularly when finding a partner, which from all accounts is a nightmare, but really, a bit of dignity wouldn’t go astray. Why you would knowingly label yourself as a cougar reeks of attention-seeking.

If you would like a little more information on cougars then have a look at the following clip. It’s not too far off the money despite the fact that it’s basically insulting. I hope I never get divorced and become a cougar. Nah, all that blowdrying and dieting is too much work for me and at my age I really need my beauty sleep.

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Thank goodness for that.  I’ve spent the last 25 years wondering what on earth was going on.

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Cougar Town

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