Actually in my vast experience in schools there are four general types of lunches for kids. Sometimes they overlap with each other, but most time the consistent four win out over the year.

1. The gourmet lunchbox filled with asparagus quiche made with wholemeal pastry, organic asparagus and lactose free milk, a . bowl of raspberries, etc, etc. Each of the food groups is covered. All food is in recyclable containers with name labels on the lids.  Mothers of the owners of these lunchboxes tend to become very irate when matching containers mysteriously go missing, spending a large amount of their time searching through lost property while all the time suspecting that someone really stole it. The owners of these lunchboxes spend a large amount of their time swapping out bits of quiche for fruit straps that reside in the lunchboxes of the third type.
2. The well-intentioned lunchbox.  On the first day it is filled with chicken sandwiches cut into the shape of stars that by the end of the week have evolved into vegemite sandwiches (with the crust left on). The plastic container of cut up oranges has been replaced with an apple.  It’s healthy, just not so pretty as the gourmet. Recyclable plastic containers have evolved into gladwrap and ziplock bags.
3. The supermarket convenience lunchbox.This type of lunchbox usually is made up of dip a bic, tins of tuna (do you know how hard these are for kids to open), cheese sticks, mini packets of barbeque shapes, fruit straps and popper juice.  The presence of these items in the lunchbox depends on what they’ve been able to nag their parents into buying during the weekly shopping.
4. The bag and bottle lunch in a shopping bag.  This is usually a bottle of coke, perhaps red bull (sugar is energy–right?). Usually this is accompanied by a family sized bag of cheezels (cheese is healthy) or chips (potato?).  These children are usually the envy of every child in the playground until they see how their food inspired sugar high/crash makes their teacher cranky. Some days these kids have no lunch at all. 

But in all my time I’ve never seen a bento box like this one in the picture.  Now that’s a lunchbox.  Image

The IV bit is from the couples love of the Roman numeral for four not for IV as in drip. Honestly I thought the child was named after a rehydrating product Blue IV. “Nurse, get me the blue IV, stat!”

Doesn’t matter though. She’s Beyonce’s and Jay-Z’s kid. She has coolness bred into her. She’ll survive the medical jokes.

In a tribute to American royalty (aka the Kardashian sisters), K names are all the rage in the US at the moment. Karis, Kay’lyn, Kristina, Kyren, Kalylah, and Khloe have all made the cut for baby names in 2012. Calling your child Kalylah is rather cruel and I predict that she will sue her idiot parents and the Kardashians at a later date. Heck all the K kids could implement a klass action (sorry). Image

Addressing a group of young French mothers he described breastfeeding as “a kind of slavery”.

His wife Carla Bruni gave birth to their first child, Giulia, last month. He told the group that Bruni was “worried about not having enough milk”.
He went on to share his feelings on breastfeeding in general. Though it may be “a joy and a kind of slavery” for the woman, Sarkozy said, he was pleased that it let men off the hook: “It does free men of blame because we don’t have the problem of bottle-feeding. You don’t have to get up at night”.

He does however, “open one eye”.

Right then, I’m glad he got all that off his chest, though here’s a thought. Couldn’t he get up and get the baby and hand it to the breastfeeding slave and then put it back when the slave girl has finished? Just mentioning, mind you.

Anyway I’ve decided that there’s far too much thought put into this when you take into consideration the fact that most mothers breast feed because it’s good for the baby. And that’s what mothers do–stuff that is good for the baby.

I breastfed my child for nine months. Then she bit me.  Then I weaned her. I didn’t once however feel like a slave. I did it because I knew that breast feeding was the ideal nourishment for my baby. It was just a job that had to be done. And there were no bottles to sanitise and warm and formula to mix–that was handy.

So with no expectation of joyfulness and fulfilment to buoy me and no negativity borne from slave like tendencies, I just treated it like a job. See no overthinking. Easy. Image

This is my Gen X Girl column from this week’s Savvy Magazine that appears in the Townsville Bulletin.

It’s no secret that I enjoy a drop of wine. OK, to be fair maybe that could be more than a mere drop, but I’m hardly Robinson Crusoe. Anyway big suck in to me because now I’m definitely going to get breast cancer. Well that’s what some study says anyway.

According to a recent Harvard University study, having one unit of wine a day could increase a woman’s risk of breast cancer by 15%. Having two units of wine a day will increase it by 50%. This is very bad news, especially when you consider that a unit is a piddling 100ml.

Is anyone putting down their glass of sav blanc as this read this riveting piece of information? Didn’t think so. If you’re anything like me you’ve learned to disregard information like this. We’re all suffering from Conflicting Health Theory Overload Syndrome.

Now this is not yet a medically recognised syndrome. I just made it up, but I have every confidence that it’s going to be picked up by the medical profession.

As a practical example of CHTOS let’s take my old friend wine. Wasn’t it only last year that health experts were advocating a couple of glasses a wine for cardio-vascular health? So for the sake of our health we enjoyed our daily tipple, reinforced by the results of another study that says drinkers live longer than kill-joy abstainers. Yippee. Heart beating fine and we’re fun and then along comes the latest study saying that we women are going to get cancer. Stupid sexist study.

Wine’s not the only breast cancer causing culprit out there. Apparently underarm deodorants are a big no-no. Sorry, I’m not giving that up—no one will talk to me. And wide strapped underwire bras are also taboo. That should boost the sale of those hideous ah ha bras that are being flogged on TV at the moment.

We’re also warned to avoid tooth fillings and root canals. I’m not sure that one can avoid a root canal. It’s not as though anyone chooses to have one. It’s more the pain that drives people to pay exorbitant sums of money to dentists rather than an aesthetic but there I go being all judgmental.

Anyway because I read a lot of women’s magazines and spend too much time on the internet I have a wealth of conflicting medical advice that may be helpful to you. So here goes.

1. Yoga does not make you fit because you mostly lie around a lot.
2. Bananas can help you give up smoking. A banana costs more than a cigarette.
3.  If your poo looks like little hard balls you are in trouble. Miranda Kerr says so.
4.  Drinking eight glasses of water a day is bunkum.
5. Your coffee addiction is inherited from your parents. Yes it really is your mother’s fault.
6. The whiskey diet is true. Lady Gaga said so.
7. Swearing reduces blood pressure.
8. Running is bad for you.
9. Soy can lead to the excessive feminisation of men. Put the soy and linseed bread back on the shelf boys.
10. 30% of men do not wash their hands after going to the toilet. Image

Anyway I didn’t think Swiss finishing schools were real. Sure I read about them in the Chalet School books, but that was fiction. Right? Wrong. For one Swiss finishing school has survived the change to the new millennium and continues to offer “social graces” for rich girls.

It’s a place where you can learn to peel a kiwi fruit with cultery, learning to pace oneself while eating so one don’t leave one’shusband in one’s wake and learning from which side to serve the the pear-and-Roquefort tarts (from the left if you must know).

Time magazine reports:

For nearly 60 years, IVP — Switzerland’s last traditional finishing school — has taught women social graces, from floral arrangement and table decoration to the art of serving afternoon tea. Updated annually, its intensive six-week course consists of 216 hours of class and, for those working toward a diploma in international etiquette and protocol, 45 exams. Daily practice brings students up to speed on how to whip up the trendiest desserts — like mascarpone mousse and balsamic cream, a fresh alternative to tiresome tiramisu — and how to gracefully adhere to local customs in 20 countries, including Mexico (where you may shake your waiter’s hand) and Japan (where you should never use chopsticks as decorations in swept-up hair). But contrary to stereotype, the motive is not marriage; it’s money. “Lots of people have M.B.A.s, but few have the extra knowledge we can give them,” says Viviane Néri, the school’s principal. “People now realize that good manners make for good business.”

Clients include princesses, lawyers, Supreme Court judges and the daughters of Prime Ministers. Not that you’d know of course. It’s very discreet. No last names.

A six week course costs $20 000 which includes accommodation, excursions and two meals a day. I’d have fitted right in. Image

This is my from my weekly Gen X Girl column in the Townsville Bulletin’s Savvy magazine.

Have you noticed that children, especially babies, are the new black? They’re everywhere. Once upon a time celebrities used to accessorise their outfits with gigantic handbags and saucer-sized sunnies but now they just casually sling their offspring across their shoulder and away they go.

Take the newest Beckham progeny, Harper. Posh Beckham has carted that one to every fashion event since it was born two months ago. I naively assumed that was because the baby was a girl and Victoria was trying to imprint fashion on it’s brain, but I think it may have been more about saying “see this is why I was fat. I can produce my own baby so nah nah to the rest of you who take the easy way out and adopt from Zanzibar”. But maybe I’m being judgmental. Victoria went through a lot for that baby. Slipped a disc, had to wear flats for a day. Poor pet.

Anyway Harper was really taken with New York Fashion Week. It’s true, Mrs B said so. “We went to Prada yesterday and she love it. It was as if she was saying, ‘Mummy, I’m home’.” It was probably just wind.

See I’m thinking it’s not the female offspring thing that is part of it. Celebrity stylist Rachel Zoe drags her poor infant son to the opening of an envelope. There is he is, poor little Skylar (promise I did not make that up), dolled up in his Cartier blankie sitting in the front row of London Fashion Week. So who’s going to grow up with a very pronounced lisp?

Suri Cruise, Tom’s little angel, has a wardrobe worth more than the GDP of the USA. This five year old has handbags from Gucci, high heels from Prada and discreet Burberry lining in all her coats. I this OK for a child? I think not. She wears red lipstick, blush and a surly demeanour. I feel like pushing her in a sandpit, but she wouldn’t know what to do.

How about Tavi, Vogue editor Anna Wintour’s new bestie? Tavi—that sounds exotic doesn’t it—all Russian with attitude. Well the attitude’s there, but that’s probably because she’s a teenager. Yes, one the of the most influential fashion bloggers in cyberspace is a 15 year old with four years of experience on board. Yep, she started when she was 11.

It’s not only the fashion world where children are making their mark because celeb offspring are big in the world of entertainment. And they don’t come much bigger than Willow Smith, the most annoying child on the planet. Not only is Willow an irritating person, but she is responsible for the world’s most annoying song I Whip My Hair Back and Forth. Actually I’m cranky at myself for mentioning that song because now I will spend the rest of the week singing the stupid thing.

Willow’s happy with the song’s success though saying she’s pleased all that hard work has paid off. Oh sweetie, you’re 11. You don’t know what hard work is you obnoxious brat. Go back to school and learn your algebra.

Another thing:  Check out Suri Cruise’s burn book.  Sort of seems wrong to laugh at a child but it’s very, very funny. Image

My own pregnancy ranks right up with the most horrible things that has ever happened to me. Nine months of all day sickness that saw me bedridden for a month and the short term ability to throw up in a rubbish bin or gutter without qualm. I can’t say I missed the smoking (because I don’t smoke) or the drinking (because I honestly thought that I had a very long hangover for the first week I was pregnant and never wanted to look at alcohol again) but I really missed the coffee. It wasn’t that I was even thinking about the effects of caffeine on my unborn baby–nope it made me throw up too.

Anyway 43 year old Carla is totally “fed up” while waiting for the birth of her second child. Actually I’d be pretty fed up with being called an elderly primagravida. It makes her sound like she’s ready for a bed in the local nursing home.

“The baby will be viable at any time from October 1,” the former model told French newspaper Le Parisien. Aurelien arrived on time, which means this could be a long wait, but I really do want this child so much.”

Okey dokey then.

I have visions of an induced labour on October 1, a packet of Marlboro Lights waiting by the bedside alongside a bottle of Moet et Chandon, a nanny and a night nurse.

There won’t be any photos though as Carla says that the birth of her child is “a totally private event.” But she may just have to trot out Sarkozy Jnr to give her husband’s French presidential  re-election campaign a boost. Image