Well the ads were a bit like that but it was about the movie Red Dog, the new surprise Australian hit movie.

Now if you haven’t seen Red Dog, then I suggest you get yourself to the movies and watch it. It’s delightful. It’s got a cute dog, engaging characters and Josh Lucas (my second not-so secret crush after Hugh Jackman).

I’m loving the subterfage of the advertising campaign. They obviously can’t afford the big splashy ads of multi-million dollar funded movies, so they’ve come up with something clever that has people talking, even if they are people attracted to Jesus ads.

That’s a bit of Aussie ingenuity. Here’s the trailer–has more info than the Jesus-like ads. Image

So here is a list of my Ten Tacky Things

1. Nail art. Oh it’s awful. Tasteful and nail art should never be used in the same sentence. The lovely Vietnamese girls at my nail shop try to talk me into this all the time. I have no problem saying no.
2. Too much animal print. One thing can be animal print. Just one thing. Not a skirt, a chiffon blouse, a coat and handbag. Awful. If you really want to look very tacky then ignore what I’ve said and add a generous coating of red lipstick.
3. Double denim. Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears at the MTV music awards caused jaws to drop. It’s the sort of thing we expect from Britney, but Justin? No, no, no.
4. Matching earrings, necklace and bracelet. Too much matchy matchy is tacky tacky.
5. Ugg boots and shorts. Sorry, just screams trailer trash. It’s a mixed message. Ugg boots cold weather, shorts summer. You’re either going to have goose bumps or really smelly boots.
6. Orange-ade tan.Who was it that decreed that looking like a cumquart was fashionable?
7. Skunk hair. Black and white hair only looks cute on zebras.
8. Doves at weddings. Oh I hate this. Where do the doves go? Just say a hawk flies down and grabs one. Does this bode well for your future wedded bliss?
9. People who tell you how much they earn, how much their house/watch/jewelry costs. Walk away from the conversation. This person is not someone with whom you wish to pursue a relationship with on any level.
10. Sandals with socks. This applies to men and women who are older than two. If you are a parent who does this to your children then stop–it’s almost child abuse. Image

Now this wasn’t one of those money making articles in the investment section, it was one of those articles that bypassed the brain and went straight to the heart–very philosophical and incredibly thought provoking. You can read her articles here.

Briefly, Kathleen met with a man called Simon Weller who, unable to give his staff a pay rise and still stay in business due to the GFC, asked of them the question, When do you feel rich? His staff gave the following answers. I feel rich when I can pick my kids up from school at least some afternoons a week. I feel rich when I know I’m not going to be sacked. I feel rich when I celebrate someone’s birthday in the workplace.

Simple stuff. Not the stuff of cruises on the Med, penthouse apartments, fast red sports cars and the like.

So when my husband came home from work (yeah we work–we’re rich in life not money) I asked him the question–when do you feel rich? First he got this terrified look in his eye as though this was one of those trick questions I like to spring on him every so often, but when I explained the context he got right into the spirit. He said he felt rich when he drove into our short street and saw his house. He felt rich when he could have a good glass of scotch at night. He felt rich when he could lay in bed on Sunday mornings reading the papers.

And if this was the intended result of the article it was very successful. The things that make us feel most rich are the little things, things that maybe redress an imbalance from childhood or life, but the things that enrich our lives and ultimately make us feel happy, cossetted and loved. 

This is my rich list.

1. I feel rich when visit the library and have a bag of books waiting for me to read.
2. I feel rich when my dog jumps into bed with me for an early morning cuddle.
3. I feel rich when my husband asks me how my day was and waits for the answer.
4. I feel rich when I take my five minute leisurely stroll to the gym in the early morning light.
5. I feel rich when I stand on Flinders Beach at Stradbroke Island and I am the only person there.
6. I feel rich when my husband brings me an early morning espresso in bed.
7. I feel rich when I pick lemons and kaffir lime leaves off the citrus trees in the front yard.
8. I feel rich when my big grown up teenager jumps on top of me and says “I need a cuddle”.
9. I feel rich when I play with a puppy.
10. I feel rich when I’m tucked up in a warm bed on a cold night.

Gosh that was cathartic. I feel really good and really, really rich.

So when do you feel rich? Image

Yes, lumped under the further explanatory heading of No More Mr Brown Eye, you can avail yourself of a sticker to stick over your dog’s arse. The stickers come in a variety of types and colours ranging from a flower to a ring. The ring cracks me up. Oh gosh look at that two arsehole references in one sentence, but no one really thought this was going to be a deep and meaningful post did they.

I have a couple of questions about the arsehole sticker. What happens when you dog wants to do a number 2. Do you follow him round and rip it from his behind just before he does the deed? Secondly why won’t any old sticker do the same job. My husband has stickers from work. I wonder what would happen if I stuck a Hankook tyre sticker on my dog Jack’s arse. I’m fairly sure he’d get his own version of a doggy brazilian when I tried to rip it off.

Anyway, these stickers are just stupid. Nearly as stupid as the girl who’s posing in this photo with the Rear Gear stickers. Here’s your chance at fame. Get your photo taken next to a dog’s bum and we’ll post it all over the internet. What’s next? Are we going to start dressing our dogs up in stupid clothes and carrying them round in our handbags? Image

It was shocking and shamefully it took a Kiwi to draw it to our attention. Apparently poor Skippy was the main attraction for the Australian inspired week of celebration in Los Angeles. He was placed in a small cage with a thin layer of shaving over concrete. Apparently it was for the children, because we all know that absolutely anything can be justified if we say it’s for the kids.

Anyway Tourism Australia (and don’t they just keep on kicking goals) said that kangaroo was being looked after by professional Los Angeles animal handlers and was treated well while it was on display. They also said that American Humane (equivalent of Australia’s RSPCA) had seen the video and said the animal was not in distress.

OK then, that makes it all alright. If the organisation that allows fully grown lions to be caged in any US backyard says that it’s OK well it must be. Truth be known a large majority of people from the US still think we Aussies ride kangaroos to work and that they can be seen hopping down the main street of any town. Doesn’t inspire a lot of confidence in the knowlege of the people from American Humane.

This, coupled with the boxing kangaroo debacle of earlier this month, means that any kangaroo thinking about setting his passport for the US had better think again. The boxing kangaroo is nothing to do with the pseudo Aussie flag. No this boxing kangaroo was a circus act in Texas where the poor thing was dressed up in shorts and boxing gloves and goaded into fighting with its owner, dressed up as a clown. Obviously dressing in type.

Now people will come back and say things like don’t you (Australians) eat them and don’t you mass kill them and the answer is yes. Australia has millons of kangaroos and the unendangered ones are humanely culled. This is to protect farming land in times of drought and massive over-population, because to be frank, kangaroos breed like rabbits. Culling is conductd by licensed ‘roo shooters who operate under a quota. Carcasses are sold for meat, fur and leather. Me, I’ve never eaten kangaroo, but apparently it’s high in protein, low in cholesterol and ultimately organic. Wow that ticks some boxes.

So I guess my defence of the culling system must make me a kangaroo hater. Well no. My family is from the bush. I had a pet joey when I was younger. I’ve seen what ‘roo herds do to grazing land. I’ve also been to Australian themed zoos and patted and fed them. I’ll watch the occasional documentary on them and I amuse myself by agreeing with Americans that I catch a kangaroo to work.

However I have a problem with animals that should be allowed to run free like kangaroos, lions, tigers and so on, caged up and put on display and made to do magic tricks for the enjoyment of an audience. I think maybe Tourism Australia underestimates kids. Put a doco on a giant screen of kangaroos in their natural habitat. Kids will watch anything on a screen. Image