Those sorts of behaviour tend to make me want to walk out. Actually there is no tend about it. I do. And don’t go back for quite a while. And then I tell everyone I know about it.

I suspend cafes and restaurants. That means I will not darken its door, part with one cent of my cash for a given period of time (usually until I have forgotten how bad it was). One local wine bar is currently suspended for six months. Another has just come back from a year long suspension. I’m pleased to say it has lifted its game. It’s actually come to the state where my friends want to know which places are suspended so they can too avoid them, or at least avoid trying to meet me there as I won’t go.

The thing that is really annoying me at the moment though is the corkage charge. Now I don’t mind paying corkage. Especially when a place has a liquor licence. Corkage is fair. It’s especially fair when you are provided with a wine bucket, some decent glasses, the wine is untwisted and a bonus if the waiter treats your drop like it’s been purchased from their own winelist. However when I was charged $10 a head corkage at a new, unlicensed restaurant AND I had to ask for a wine bucket, glasses and then open and pour myself, well let’s just say I was little miffed. I haven’t suspended it but I only eat breakfast there now (even I don’t drink wine at breakfast).

Seems I’m not alone in this general jack-offedness about restuarants. One critic says that he wants to take a bottle of white-out to restuarants so that he can white out the unavailable wine choices that although on the list are usally unavailabe. Another mentions an EATING/DONE EATING sign that they can put out so that waiters get the general idea.

I’d personally like to add my own YES sign to flash at waiters as they invariably swoop in to ask if I’m enjoying my meal right when I filled my mouth up with food. Actually I wish they’d just go away. I’ll let them know if I’m not enjoying my meal or my clean plate will tell them that I did. See old and grumpy.

So here are some other ideas that critics (via the SMH) have suggested to improve the dining experience.

• Torch so you can read menus in dim lighting.
• Wedge to put under wobbly table legs.
• Sunscreen and hat for when you’re seated outside under an umbrella but the sun moves.
• Cardigan for over-airconditioning.
• Spare reading glasses: for the dimwit in every middle-aged group (eg my husband) who forgets to bring theirs and has to get their long-suffering partner (eg me) to read the whole menu to them.
• Pepper grinder: when you want control over how much pepper goes on your food, and when.
• Spare knife and fork: for when yours falls on the floor from those big white bowls that everything slips off.
• Whistle to attract waiters.
• Matches for lighting unlit table candles and in case you forget the torch (see above).
• GPS for navigating the way to hard-to-find toilets.  Image

Well if you ever did, here is the result.  The most hideous shoe that ever was. 

Apparently it’s best accessorised with the Snuggy or the pyjama jean. Image

Well that’s how I reckon Marcos Baghdatis was feeling right after he was beaten at the Australian Open. Those in the know say it was a veiled message at his racquet sponsor who is no more. I disagree. He just felt like throwing a tantrum. And you might as well be fined for going hard out. Four racquets is always better than one.

Anyway check out Marcos’ tanty. Sorry about the ad. I had terrible trouble finding the footage. Maybe Marcos threw another stirkey and got it banned. Powerful people those tennis people. The ad’s pretty funny too.

When did we take away our children’s responsibilities and blame everyone but them for their failures. And conversely why don’t we credit those very same people with children’s successes.

I think we’re doing our kids a massive disservice.

Anyway I came across a list from Careercast of the ten most stressful jobs.

1. Enlisted soldier
2. Firefighter
3. Airline pilot
4. Military general
5. Police officer
6. Event coordinator
7. Public relations exec
8. Corporate exec
9. Photojournalist
10. Taxi driver

And this is their list of the least most stressful jobs:

1. Medical technician
2. Jeweler
3. Hair stylist
4. Dressmaker-tailor
5. Medical lab tech
6. Audiologist
7. Precision assembler
8. Dietitian
9. Furniture upholsterer
10. Electrical technician

Agree or disagree?  And where does your job fit? Image

Yep, they are putting down their expensively shod feet and declaring the fascinator a big no-no. Oh no. That’s terrible news for me should I be attending Royal Ascot this year, as I am a fan of the fascinator. And so is my favourite person Princess Kate. This will be big news for her since the fascinator bar applies in the Royal Enclosure, and since she’s royal I’m guessing that’s where she’ll be.

I like a fascinator because you avoid the dreaded hat clash. You know the one when you lean in close to your big hat wearing friend and the brims of your hats collide causing both a wardrobe malfuntion and the abandonment of the wonderful piece of gossip you were going to share.

Anyway if you are intending to go to the Royal Enclosure at Ascot this year keep in mind the following dress code, or they won’t let you in.

For women:

• Hats are desirable but anything with a base of less than 4 inches in diameter is not acceptable as a hat. Got that.
• Skirts and dresses need to be of a ‘modest length’ and fall just above the knee or below.
• Pashminas are banned/barred/disallowed.
• Strapless tops (and I assume dresses) are also out.

For men:

• Waistcoat and tie are compulsory.
• No cravats (Matt Preston is not attending in protest).
• Black shoes only. Polished is mandatory.

What do think would happen if Kate lobbed up in a fascinator? Do you think they’d really chuck her out? Probably. They can be very rigid about these sorts of important things. Image

Actually in my vast experience in schools there are four general types of lunches for kids. Sometimes they overlap with each other, but most time the consistent four win out over the year.

1. The gourmet lunchbox filled with asparagus quiche made with wholemeal pastry, organic asparagus and lactose free milk, a . bowl of raspberries, etc, etc. Each of the food groups is covered. All food is in recyclable containers with name labels on the lids.  Mothers of the owners of these lunchboxes tend to become very irate when matching containers mysteriously go missing, spending a large amount of their time searching through lost property while all the time suspecting that someone really stole it. The owners of these lunchboxes spend a large amount of their time swapping out bits of quiche for fruit straps that reside in the lunchboxes of the third type.
2. The well-intentioned lunchbox.  On the first day it is filled with chicken sandwiches cut into the shape of stars that by the end of the week have evolved into vegemite sandwiches (with the crust left on). The plastic container of cut up oranges has been replaced with an apple.  It’s healthy, just not so pretty as the gourmet. Recyclable plastic containers have evolved into gladwrap and ziplock bags.
3. The supermarket convenience lunchbox.This type of lunchbox usually is made up of dip a bic, tins of tuna (do you know how hard these are for kids to open), cheese sticks, mini packets of barbeque shapes, fruit straps and popper juice.  The presence of these items in the lunchbox depends on what they’ve been able to nag their parents into buying during the weekly shopping.
4. The bag and bottle lunch in a shopping bag.  This is usually a bottle of coke, perhaps red bull (sugar is energy–right?). Usually this is accompanied by a family sized bag of cheezels (cheese is healthy) or chips (potato?).  These children are usually the envy of every child in the playground until they see how their food inspired sugar high/crash makes their teacher cranky. Some days these kids have no lunch at all. 

But in all my time I’ve never seen a bento box like this one in the picture.  Now that’s a lunchbox.  Image

Prevention website reports the following:

Every time you flush with an open lid, bacteria spray into the air around your toilet. And some of these germs could pass along symptoms of diarrhea or vomiting.

Scientists at Leeds University tested the air above toilets and found that the germ, C. difficile, which causes violent bacteria and vomiting, can be spewed up to 10 inches above toilet seats with every open flush. These germs were found on the sides of the toilet, on the top, and on the floor — even when the toilet wasn’t in use. In other words, even an unoccupied, open bowl can spread bacteria.

Although the highest levels of bacteria were found right after a flush, even 90 minutes later, between 15-47 contaminated water droplets were detected on nearby surfaces.

Right then, I’m just off to chuck out my toothbrush and gargle with bleach–right after I put the toilet lid seat down. Image

And here I was thinking that we had a drink after work just because we wanted to trash our livers.

Anyway the study says that the endorphins released, and they showed this by using brain imaging, are similar to those produced by laughing or exercising. The stress and pain-relieving proteins are naturally released in the brain and other tissues, producing similar effects to opiates such as morphine.

The only thing I find amazing about this study–that someone spent time, money and countless brain cells discovering something that the rest of the world has always known. Did we really need a study to prove that drinking makes us feel better?  Image