And here I was thinking that we had a drink after work just because we wanted to trash our livers.

Anyway the study says that the endorphins released, and they showed this by using brain imaging, are similar to those produced by laughing or exercising. The stress and pain-relieving proteins are naturally released in the brain and other tissues, producing similar effects to opiates such as morphine.

The only thing I find amazing about this study–that someone spent time, money and countless brain cells discovering something that the rest of the world has always known. Did we really need a study to prove that drinking makes us feel better?  Image

This is my Gen X Girl column from this week’s Savvy Magazine that appears in the Townsville Bulletin.

It’s no secret that I enjoy a drop of wine. OK, to be fair maybe that could be more than a mere drop, but I’m hardly Robinson Crusoe. Anyway big suck in to me because now I’m definitely going to get breast cancer. Well that’s what some study says anyway.

According to a recent Harvard University study, having one unit of wine a day could increase a woman’s risk of breast cancer by 15%. Having two units of wine a day will increase it by 50%. This is very bad news, especially when you consider that a unit is a piddling 100ml.

Is anyone putting down their glass of sav blanc as this read this riveting piece of information? Didn’t think so. If you’re anything like me you’ve learned to disregard information like this. We’re all suffering from Conflicting Health Theory Overload Syndrome.

Now this is not yet a medically recognised syndrome. I just made it up, but I have every confidence that it’s going to be picked up by the medical profession.

As a practical example of CHTOS let’s take my old friend wine. Wasn’t it only last year that health experts were advocating a couple of glasses a wine for cardio-vascular health? So for the sake of our health we enjoyed our daily tipple, reinforced by the results of another study that says drinkers live longer than kill-joy abstainers. Yippee. Heart beating fine and we’re fun and then along comes the latest study saying that we women are going to get cancer. Stupid sexist study.

Wine’s not the only breast cancer causing culprit out there. Apparently underarm deodorants are a big no-no. Sorry, I’m not giving that up—no one will talk to me. And wide strapped underwire bras are also taboo. That should boost the sale of those hideous ah ha bras that are being flogged on TV at the moment.

We’re also warned to avoid tooth fillings and root canals. I’m not sure that one can avoid a root canal. It’s not as though anyone chooses to have one. It’s more the pain that drives people to pay exorbitant sums of money to dentists rather than an aesthetic but there I go being all judgmental.

Anyway because I read a lot of women’s magazines and spend too much time on the internet I have a wealth of conflicting medical advice that may be helpful to you. So here goes.

1. Yoga does not make you fit because you mostly lie around a lot.
2. Bananas can help you give up smoking. A banana costs more than a cigarette.
3.  If your poo looks like little hard balls you are in trouble. Miranda Kerr says so.
4.  Drinking eight glasses of water a day is bunkum.
5. Your coffee addiction is inherited from your parents. Yes it really is your mother’s fault.
6. The whiskey diet is true. Lady Gaga said so.
7. Swearing reduces blood pressure.
8. Running is bad for you.
9. Soy can lead to the excessive feminisation of men. Put the soy and linseed bread back on the shelf boys.
10. 30% of men do not wash their hands after going to the toilet. Image

Here are a few choice facts:

• 8.2 seconds is how long it takes for someone to register a romatic attraction (unless it is Hugh Jackman–average time 2.1 seconds)
• Potential sugar daddies won’t stare you down as their time is too precious (or their cataracts too thick)
• Palms up give an air of openess and vulnerability (hmm–or someone is waiting for you to buy them a drink)
• Women like men who are already attached (I doubt this–too much trouble).

Anyway double click on the infographic picture to get even more information on improving your attractiveness with body language. Image

And some said no. Seriously. Miss Georgia gave a wonderful spiel that ended with “people are smarter than ever.”

Hmm, unless you are a Miss USA contestant.

Here’s the video clip. It’s long–don’t watch it all–just the first few minutes or so. You’ll get the gist of it  and see that it does prove one of my evolutionary theories. Beauty and brains may be mutually exclusive. Image

ARIES: Drinking style: Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don’t know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They’re sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk I as good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you — so long as you haven’t gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

TAURUS Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-China-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler — god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, ER, gregarious (full of loud mouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

GEMINI Drinking style Gemini’s can drink without changing their behavior much– they’re so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it’s just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini’s possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round — repetition is boring — and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

CANCER Drinking style Cancer is a comfort drinker — and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can’t it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists — and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get ‘tired and emotional’ (read: weepy when lubricated). But there’s nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you’d be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

LEO Drinking style Leo likes to drink and dance — they’re often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they’re quite aware they’re darling -Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue — and perhaps not with the one what rung them. But Leo’s not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expects a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

VIRGO Drinking style Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure –but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked — but, oh, when they do! Virgo’s controlled by the intellect, but there’s an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It’s dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, ‘I’m going to drink myself into a low-level of intelligence tonight.’ A toast to the sub genius IQ!

LIBRA Drinking style ‘I’m jusht a social drinker,’ slurs Libra, ‘it’s jusht that I’m so damn social?’ Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Frienddevice set to ‘on’) or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble –including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with every man/woman in the roomor even blacking out the night’s events entirely. Oops!

SCORPIO Drinking style Don’t ever tell Scorpios they’ve had enough, for they’ll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they’re hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them seethe sauce as something to savor in itself, and not asa personality-altering tool — though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they’re fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything — especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

SAGITTARIUS Drinking style In vino veritas — and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they’ll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They’re the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else — like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun . Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

CAPRICORN Drinking style Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty — no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who’re you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they’re either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hookup with a cute groupie.

AQUARIUS Drinking style Aquarius and drinking don’t go together that well(except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they’re more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they’re throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they’re too preoccupied with their duties to get combative — and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they’re usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist):Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

PISCES Drinking style If you’re a Pisces, you’ve probably already heard that you share a sign and an addictive personality –with Liz Taylor, Lisa Minnelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they’re fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and windup in bed together for days. The phrase ‘addictive personality’ can be read two ways, you know. Image

Of course you have. It’s everywhere. On the news, in the papers–we’re in the midst of a crime wave. And I have a theory on all this–you didn’t think I wouldn’t?

It’s because the playstation network has been down for a month. I think criminologists, police, sociologists and the like should take a look at the timeline of the increased offences and the length of time that the PS network has been out of action.

Now I’m not a big fan of the PS phenomena. My husband plays it a bit. I make fun of him a bit. I personally don’t like the violence that is inherent to the games and think that it leads users to become desensitised to violence. But that’s just me.

But I am prepared, in light of my theory about the downed PS network and increased crime, to admit that I could, just in a little tiny way, be a bit wrong. Perhaps constant playing of video games keeps criminals off the street and in their own homes. Perhaps that violence that is part of a game like Call of Duty is a way for people to live out their violent fantasies online instead of in the streets. Playing the video game gives them an outlet for their frustration that doesn’t include actual physical violence.

Now I can only quote US figures here, but FBI studies from 2010 suggest that crime figures have decreased while the engagement with video games has increased. This is startling due to the fact that in economic crisis (as the US is currently experiencing) crime figures have traditionally risen.

Harvard economist Lawrence Katz believes that video games may actually depress the violent-crime rate by keeping people occupied in a peaceful manner.

So even though your teenager, husband, boyfriend is anti-social, gets no exercise, has hardening arteries and trades insults online with underemployed people from around the world, take comfort in the fact that at least they’re not robbing your local bottleshop.

Playstation came back online this week.  Image

I blame Thorpey’s Angels. I think that’s the reason I’m not an Ian Thorpe fan. Do you remember that show? Thorpey was cast in the role of Charlie and three random females wanna be it girls of the time were the angels. They went around doing good deeds on a mission basis. Terrible, but the worst, the most wooden of all? Thorpey. Killed his TV career. Stone. Dead.

Anyway, back to Thorpey’s comeback. Right on time for the 2012 London Olympics. Big call. Wonder how he’ll go? I think he may have his work cut out. He may think he’s all Geoff Huegill but there’s a big, big difference between the Commonwealth Games and the Olympics. Sort of like under 8’s at Thargamindah Primary School and the state championships.

He’s a great bloke Geoff Huegill–we all love him. He’s even got a proper nickname–Skippy. Don’t know where it came from but that’s a decent nickname. It’s way better than Thorpey. We all know a lot of imagination went into securing him that nickname.

Sorry I’ve digressed again. Back to Thorpey’s comeback. Apparently he’s been sneaky. He’s been training all round the place, tricky little bugger. He hasn’t denied the comeback because that would make him look like a liar. He admitted that he “was really sneaky” and he instructed all those around him to “lie through their teeth”.What? Ethical compass much askew, Thorpey?

He’s aiming for the 100m events which seems weird considering his success in 200m and 400m events. And he’s old and let’s be frank, carrying a few more kilos than he should be. Those 100m events are prime meat for those young bucks who breeze in and and out of the event on a semi-regular basis. But if he swims over that distance he’ll be avoiding Michael Phelps. Oh my God, do you think he’s trying to avoid Michael Phelps? Say it isn’t so, Thorpey.

So fat, old, balding (you can arrange your hair anyway you like Thorpey–blind Freddy can see that receding hairline) Thorpey may well be swimming for Australia at London in 2012. He’s asked all of Australia to leave him in peace though. You know so he can concentrate on his training.

OK, we’ll do that Thorpey, but really you must have a chat to your manager. Who announces something as inane as a possible swimming comeback when the biggest cyclone in generations is about to cross the North Queensland coast? Why Thorpey does of course. And it was lovely how he made reference to the cyclone crisis amid his pleas that he vants to be alone.

Oh sorry, my mistake. He didn’t acknowledge it at all. Not a word. Speaks volumes.

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So what’s a tiger mother? Well according to Amy Chua, in her book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, a Chinese mother has not issues about worrying about her child’s self-esteem or happiness: she knows that self-esteem comes from ­succeeding, and happiness follows.

She argues that Western parents are too quick to give in to their children, ­abandoning them to computer games and television, while Chinese offspring are rigorously drilled by their stronger, more determined mothers until they get every subject right. I thought they were just pushy mothers, but no, they are a whole lot more.

This is the list of things that Chua’s daughters, 18 and 13 year old A grade, musical geniuses are not allowed to do

• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin.

According to Chua, Chinese parents (her term) understand that nothing is fun till you’re good at it. To get good at it children have to work, and the parents’ job is to make them. This requires great fortitude on behalf of the parents and is a reflection on their parenting ability.

Chua has no problem with insulting her children, calling them garbage if they fail or are disrespectful. She cites an example of an overweight child. A Chinese mother will say “hey fatty–lose some weight” whereas a Western mother will talk around the problem talking about health and still end up with a child with an eating disorder.

I see where I’ve got it all wrong now. When I was thrilled when my daughter brought home a B+, what I should have done was gasp in horror, chastise her, call her lazy and tell her to do better. Unnecessarily Chua tells us we Westerners are too worried about our children’s self-esteem.

Apparently Chinese parents believe, and instill in their children, that their kids owe them everything, that the kids owe it to their parents to be perfect and that their parents know what is best for them. How on earth do they do this? My child thinks her father and I are lucky to have her. Obviously Chinese children will be looking after their aged parents, I’ll get parked in a nursing home.

Chua concludes with this

Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

Oh gosh, it does seem that we’ve got it all wrong, but I’ll take my happy, sociable, confident daughter any day. The alternative just seems far too difficult for me, I’m just too lazy, and a bit too hard. And quite frankly I’d rather watch Gossip Girl with my daughter than sit through an excruciatingly boring violin solo. Image