Well that’s how I reckon Marcos Baghdatis was feeling right after he was beaten at the Australian Open. Those in the know say it was a veiled message at his racquet sponsor who is no more. I disagree. He just felt like throwing a tantrum. And you might as well be fined for going hard out. Four racquets is always better than one.

Anyway check out Marcos’ tanty. Sorry about the ad. I had terrible trouble finding the footage. Maybe Marcos threw another stirkey and got it banned. Powerful people those tennis people. The ad’s pretty funny too.

Happy Friday. Image

Now I don’t have manflu, but I will admit that the site made me laugh, and I may just exhibit a few of the manflu tendencies due to my hypochondriacal nature. Anyway with flu season well and truly here, here is some information directly from the site.

• Man Flu is simply a cold, the symptoms of which are greatly exaggerated by men.
  FALSE – Man Flu is a serious and potentially life threatening illness, and will no doubt soon be on the Health and Safety Executive’s list of Reportable Diseases. Man Flu is a distinct disease in its own right, and should not be misdiagnosed as a mere common cold.
• Women can catch Man Flu
  FALSE – Man Flu does not attack humans with the XX chromosome, only those with the XY chromosome. This genetic mutation effectively immunises females against Man Flu. This may account for the reason that women widely believe that Man Flu is actually just the common cold, but with a bit of extra drama thrown in for good measure.
• The best way to deal with Man Flu is to just ‘get on with it’
  FALSE – Extensive research has proven that the only way to combat the crippling effects of Man Flu is complete withdrawal to the sofa and uninterrupted mollycoddling by the girlfriend / wife.
• Men have a slower recovery rate from Man Flu than women do from the common cold
  TRUE – The effects of Man Flu can linger for days and days, compared with just a few hours for the common cold. If the man is not permitted the correct period of convalescence following an attack of Man Flu he can be plunged back into a critical condition.
• Man Flu is just a way for men to get sympathy / time off work / time in front of the telly
  FALSE – Man Flu is a bona-fide and debilitating illness, would men make a meal of that sort of thing?
• The pain and suffering of Man Flu is similar to that of child birth
  TRUE – Though at least with child birth it’s all done and dusted in a few hours, but Man Flu can last for weeks…
• The best cure for Man Flu is a cocktail of Night Nurse, Day Nurse, chicken noodle soup and whiskey.
  FALSE – There is no cure for Man Flu. Once infected the afflicted can only hope that the gods roll the dice in favour of life rather than slow, lingering death.
• While suffering from Man Flu, men would like nothing more than to go to work and try to forget about their affliction.
  TRUE – However, men recognise the huge risk of spreading Man Flu to other men. Indeed, a single cough in the wrong direction could hold enough Man Flu germs to wipe out a small rainforest tribe. Image

According to a 2000 strong study conducted by social networking site, Badoo,a blue-eyed, size 14 brunette is the ideal woman. Sixty percent of respondents selected dark hair as their ideal, 30 percent went for the blonde, and sorry all you red-heads out there, only 8.8 percent rate the ranga.

The news on size is heartening though. Only 10 percent of men want their women in the size 6-8 range with and majority coming in with a preference for the average size 12-14.

So who is the ideal woman. The Daily Mail suggests The Only Way is Essex star Lauren Goodger who meets the three desirable attributes of the study. Physicality aside she seems very high maintence does Lauren.

But that’s a topic for a whole new stupid study. Image

Be warned girls most of it is bullshit and was compiled by someone who has spent far too much time watching chick flicks.

1. Multitasking is a foreign word to them. If they just change the kitty litter, they need a beer, then a nap.
2. Their idea of cleaning the house involves wiping their feet on the doormat.
3. They don’t get why you need to talk on the phone for so long with your mom/sister/best friend/all of the above. Especially since you did it last night, too.
4. They love gossip just as much as you do. Two words: Charlie Sheen.
5. Their hearing is perfectly fine. Their listening skills? Not so much.
6. They will never get excited about the new shower curtain. Unless you’re behind it, naked.
7. When they take out the trash, they need to announce it. Every time.
8. They always go for the biggest slice of pizza in the box.
9. When they get sick, they’re sure no one has ever been sicker. Every cold is the flu, every headache a migraine, every pain a life-threatening condition. They need sleep, soup, love—and the remote, please.
10. Few realize that the toilet seat can actually be put in the down position. Image

I love makeovers. Love TV makeover shows more for that matter. Property, people, lifestyles—I’m all over them. Just so long that some that was previously in need of some serious attention comes out looking all better at the end of it. Magic in my eyes.

So you can imagine my absolute fascination with the new public spectacle: The Beautification of Shane Warne—From Bogan to Baron. OK, I made that title up but I’m keeping copy write on it. I see a reality show in the wings. And I also hear the sound of beer cans around the country being crumpled in disbelief as Australia’s CUBBY (cashed up bogan) king icon goes all metrosexual.

It’s all that Elizabeth Hurley’s fault. She’s the one who got her sticky mitts all over Warnie and papered off the rough edges. And what has emerged from the chrysalis that was the drinking, smoking and ample-gutted Warnie grub? Why a butterfly so slick and smooth that he could go straight to Madam Tussaud’s Wax Museum without ever having to pose.

Do you remember Warnie BE (Before Elizabeth)? There was the cricketer’s tan, the wrinkles around the eyes, the fairly decent beer belly and the gelled up, highlighted Yeah-Yeah hair. He also sported calloused thumbs, not so much from bowling, but from texting, or should that be sexting, up a storm.

So what’s changed? Well the sexting has stopped, cleverly replaced by an addiction to Twitter that has unfortunately given us more information about Elizabeth and Shane’s private life than New Idea ever could.

The beer gut is gone, disappeared, no more. Apparently this is due to Elizabeth putting Shane on a diet that included lots of wheat grass. The diet was also conducted via Twitter so, just in case we were interested, we could share in Warnie’s weight loss journey. “Feel like a hot pie with copious amounts of sauce with crinkle cut chips!! What’s the best pie?” he tweeted, followed with: “NO Shane!! 78kg is target currently 82.5. Settle on a protein shake with an apple and banana – sob.” Gosh it sounds like he was having fun. But it has worked because he apparently lost 10kg. Well done, Warnie.

Warnie’s tan is nice and even now, as is his wrinkle-free face. Has someone been hitting the Fraxel laser and Botox? Well no–it’s all due to the magic effects of cosmetic company Estee Lauder’s moisturisers. I know this because Warnie tweeted it. Elizabeth gave us more specific information about the particular moisturiser when she further tweeted “So glad the Estée Lauder Resilience Lift moisturiser is working & everyone thinks you’ve had a face lift.” Would it surprise you to know that Elizabeth is the face of Estee Lauder. I see a big Christmas bonus for Liz.

Anyway like any good makeover show Warnie had his big unveiling at Elton John’s White Tie and Tiara Ball. He trotted out in his beautifully cut tuxedo, hair slicked back and de-highlighted. His eyebrows were waxed and there was a suggestion of mascara and guy-liner. Mascara! Guyliner!

And there is the picture complete—Shane Warne, trophy wife. Image