I had a houseful of Gen Ys over after Christmas. They all woke up distinctly green tinged, hoarse voiced and shaking hands. “Hangover” they all declared before proceeding to mope around the house, getting in the way and tiring me with their whinging.
People with hangovers really annoy me. As any good Gen X person knows, hangovers are not a badge of honour for our generation. A hangover is a sign of weakness. If you drink, you have a duty not to show it the next day.
So with New Year’s Eve festivities bearing down on us, I have devised my top 10 hangover cures. (Disclaimer: I am not a doctor nor do I claim to be. I am a drinker who prides herself on never getting hangovers. These cures were acquired by years of trial and error. Use at your own risk).
- Vanilla milkshake and a chicko roll. I know it sounds disgusting but the milk puts a lining on your stomach, the vanilla flavour is full of sugar and the oil-soaked pastry gives sustenance. The cabbage in chicko rolls is a blood purifier.
- Coke and fish and chips. It must be full strength Coke and the fish and chips must be accompanied by vinegar and tomato sauce. A perfectly balanced meal of carbs, protein and fat.
- Dehydration powder, water and asprin mixed together in one glass. The dehydration powder (the stuff you take when you get diarrhoea) replenishes your electrolytes, the asprin is a pain killer and water rehydrates you.
- Milk thistle. You can buy this herb from the chemist or health food store. The instructions say to take one with each meal. I prefer to take about five when I come home after a big night out and another five when I get up. Then I pop them all day. I repeat I am not a doctor so you should probably follow the directions on the bottle.
- Drink a Bloody Mary. This is how I make them. Pour a nip of vodka in the bottom of a glass, add ice, fill the glass with V8 Hot and Spicy, sprinkle in a little Tabasco and a squeeze of lemon. Stir and drink. Repeat as often as necessary.
- Cherry ripe and Coke. This is a variation on the fish and chip combination, but is ideal for those with a sweet tooth. The combination of caffeine, sugar and fat has curative properties.
- Drink a slug of water as soon as you get home from a night out. Don’t do this the next day. Water is poison the day after drinking unless you add things like sugar to it. But the night before—as much as you can get down.
- Go for a swim and put you head under water. It’s very peaceful under water and your inflamed brain cells shrink from the cold.
- Drink some Gatorade. If you can tolerate drinking something that colour with a hangover, you can do anything.
- Drink a Gold stubby. This is only for the truly desperate. It’s can’t be any other type of beer and don’t even think of drinking it from a can. It must be an ice cold Gold stubby with condensation on the side.
Choose one or choose them all. Happy New Year. Image