You know everyone can carry on all they like about how 40 is the new 30, but I’m here to tell you 40 is a big fat drain on your time.
Since I have reached my 40’s I have noticed the following.
- My twice daily skincare regime takes forever. Cleanse and dry, apply serum, apply another serum, moisturise, eye cream, lip cream and sunscreen. At night I do it all again except I omit the sunscreen but apply a lip serum. Every second night I add exfoliation into the mix and just for fun I’m now using a sonic cleanser that is supposed to do wonderous things. I’m still waiting for all these miracles to do something good to my face. This takes about 15 tp 20 minutes. Fifteen minutes that I used to use to sleep.
- It now takes me 15 minutes instead of 5 to do my makeup in the mornings. This is because I spend an large amount of time applying foundation with my foundation brush in a motion similar to a plasterer applying spackle. I won’t even go into the use of colour corrector. Three colours to correct the varying redness, black circles, and just for fun the occasional spot.
- I no longer leap out of bed ready to face the day as my eyes snap open. Now the use of an espresso is utilised before my feet even hit the floor. Then there is a series of complicated yoga poses that include downward dog, the dolphin and spinal twist just to put some movement into my poor, old aching back.
- Pulling my hair up into a pony tail no longer counts as hair styling. There is a complicated procedure of blonde shampoo and conditioner, wide tooth combing after the liberal application of moroccan oil, blowdrying and then straightening. And it’s still got knots in it from all the chemical abuse I subject it to. But I will not go grey cause then I’ll look old as well as feel it.
- Pre-40 I used to take a vitamin pill. Now I take oroxine (for my underactive thyroid), fish oil, magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, resveratrol and a multivitamin. I rattle when I walk. I hope that they are doing me good otherwise I have very expensive pee.
I could go on and on, but I’ll stop because I have to focus on positive feelings, meditation and sudoku so I don’t get Alzheimer’s.
So don’t believe it. Forty is not the new 30. It’s just a big black time sucking hole. Image