This is from my weekly column that appears in the Townsville Bulletin’s Savvy Magazine.
I love makeovers. Love TV makeover shows more for that matter. Property, people, lifestyles—I’m all over them. Just so long that some that was previously in need of some serious attention comes out looking all better at the end of it. Magic in my eyes.
So you can imagine my absolute fascination with the new public spectacle: The Beautification of Shane Warne—From Bogan to Baron. OK, I made that title up but I’m keeping copy write on it. I see a reality show in the wings. And I also hear the sound of beer cans around the country being crumpled in disbelief as Australia’s CUBBY (cashed up bogan) king icon goes all metrosexual.
It’s all that Elizabeth Hurley’s fault. She’s the one who got her sticky mitts all over Warnie and papered off the rough edges. And what has emerged from the chrysalis that was the drinking, smoking and ample-gutted Warnie grub? Why a butterfly so slick and smooth that he could go straight to Madam Tussaud’s Wax Museum without ever having to pose.
Do you remember Warnie BE (Before Elizabeth)? There was the cricketer’s tan, the wrinkles around the eyes, the fairly decent beer belly and the gelled up, highlighted Yeah-Yeah hair. He also sported calloused thumbs, not so much from bowling, but from texting, or should that be sexting, up a storm.
So what’s changed? Well the sexting has stopped, cleverly replaced by an addiction to Twitter that has unfortunately given us more information about Elizabeth and Shane’s private life than New Idea ever could.
The beer gut is gone, disappeared, no more. Apparently this is due to Elizabeth putting Shane on a diet that included lots of wheat grass. The diet was also conducted via Twitter so, just in case we were interested, we could share in Warnie’s weight loss journey. “Feel like a hot pie with copious amounts of sauce with crinkle cut chips!! What’s the best pie?” he tweeted, followed with: “NO Shane!! 78kg is target currently 82.5. Settle on a protein shake with an apple and banana – sob.” Gosh it sounds like he was having fun. But it has worked because he apparently lost 10kg. Well done, Warnie.
Warnie’s tan is nice and even now, as is his wrinkle-free face. Has someone been hitting the Fraxel laser and Botox? Well no–it’s all due to the magic effects of cosmetic company Estee Lauder’s moisturisers. I know this because Warnie tweeted it. Elizabeth gave us more specific information about the particular moisturiser when she further tweeted “So glad the Estée Lauder Resilience Lift moisturiser is working & everyone thinks you’ve had a face lift.” Would it surprise you to know that Elizabeth is the face of Estee Lauder. I see a big Christmas bonus for Liz.
Anyway like any good makeover show Warnie had his big unveiling at Elton John’s White Tie and Tiara Ball. He trotted out in his beautifully cut tuxedo, hair slicked back and de-highlighted. His eyebrows were waxed and there was a suggestion of mascara and guy-liner. Mascara! Guyliner!
And there is the picture complete—Shane Warne, trophy wife. Image
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