I blame Kyle Sandilands. It’s all his fault that the X Factor sucks. Really it should have been a phenomena, just like it is in the UK. The UK version well rules the UK. There are countless newspaper centimetres devoted to it, blogs, TV shows and even a magazine. Over here. Nada. Outrated by a group of tweens on a cooking show.
Anyway it’s all Sandilands’ fault. No one likes him. He’s mean and nasty and I think we’ve all moved beyond it, haven’t we? Didn’t Masterchef prove that? Apparently Kyle missed that memo.
The other judges are lovely. That Guy Sebastian–such a cutie, actually he’s got quite hot looking (it feels wrong typing that). And that sweet little Natalie Imbruglia. It just seems like yesterday that she was Beth Brennan on Neighbours. There was that whole misguided marrying Daniel Johns from Silverchair thing but live and learn. And then Ronan Keating who says it best when he says nothing at all or keeps it in his pants. Lucky his wife is the understanding type.
And Angelo is hosting the show. He would have been my original choice over that awful dweeby woman hitting Matthew Newton in the first place. Such a lovely wholesome boy that Angelo. (I do know that is not his real name but it suits him better than Luke Jacobz, don’t you think).
So these are the UK judges and a lesson in how to do it right. Dannii Minogue (sigh), Cheryl Cole (girl crush), Louis Walsh who invented Boyzone and Simon Cowell. Now I know that Kyle thinks he’s channelling Simon, but he’s got it all wrong. Simon is snide and sarcastic and incredibly vain, but he somehow manages to avoid being a total tool. Kyle doesn’t manage that at all.
Anyway British X Factorhas got their own nasty person in the form of Jay Kay from Jimiroquai. This is what he had to say about judges Cheryl Cole and Danni Minogue the day before he appeared on the show.
He called the pair “fucking useless” and added: “What are they going to tell me about fucking music?
“What the fuck. When have you ever done anything? You’re useless. The pair of you. I mean you look great and I’d like to fucking shag you but that’s all.”
“I just don’t like the wanker stuff I have to do. Fucking X Factor and that. I’m going to have to sing in front of fucking amateurs. Do you know what I mean?”
A bit harsh don’t you think? He could have just not gone on. And really he should invest in a thesaurus and use some other adjectives.
But he got up on the X Factor stage and sang a song (damn that having to promote your new single on prime time). Dannii and Cheryl weren’t having a bar of it though. They refused to applaud him. Not a shred of hypocrisy about them. Jay Kay take note.
Anyway back to Aus where Kyle is feeling the lack of love from TV audiences. “I couldn’t care less about kids cooking eggs, and anyone who does is a loser! I hate cooking shows, they’re for sad old people who don’t change the channel.”
Told us didn’t he? Oh Kyle, jealous much?