American movies and TV are responsible for how we should view life’s changes. Have a baby? Yes, the appropriate thing to do is spend all night nursing, pacing and placating the screaming child instead of putting it in it’s cot and practising controlled crying.
Because that’s what we’ve seen on countless movies, so it must be right. Mustn’t it? No, no, no. That is why mothers of babies walk around like zombies. I blame American movies.
So me, well past the baby stage, was all concerned that I’d go all Mom like and feel useless and necessary now my baby has left home–all that Hollywood conditioning you know.
I’m supposed to walk around the house morosely, touching her things, smiling at the happy memories they stir. And my husband and I are now supposed to be in that abyss where neither of us have anything left to talk about because our child has flown the nest.
Well I’m here to tell you that that’s another great big piece of Hollywood movie bullshit that’s wrong, wrong, wrong. What’s our life like now she’s left home? Well I’m going with somewhere between pretty good and bloody fantastic.
And we’re not alone, because a recent British study found that 84% of parents said their lives improved when their children left home. And what’s not to improve.
No longer do I lay awake at night wondering just how my daughter is getting home from her nightclub adventures. No more worrying about whether she’s remembered to lock the front door and not left it open in her intoxicated state.
No more having to wait my turn to use my computer because it’s faster than hers even though her computer is newer and has broadband and is only slow because its got 5 gig of photos of her and her friends doing finger sculptures while posing like Charlie’s Angels (from the TV series not the movie).
Cleaning the house takes a fraction of the time. There is no shoe explosion at the front door or in front of the couch. Clothes no longer decorate the furniture like old lady couch doilies. The benchtop is always wiped clean and the pantry always full. The power bill has dropped $200 because no one is heating up a slice of pizza in the oven because the microwave makes it soggy. And the dryer and air con have hardly been used since she left.
We can eat stews and casseroles and talk and gossip to our hearts content. Is that fish you want, dear? Of course, you can because no one is going to bitch about how much they hate fish and that they’re having Maccas instead.
I can spend my money on massages rather than university text books. I don’t have to drop her off to far flung suburbs because she hasn’t got enough petrol in her car or the means to secure any.
OK, there are a few downsides and I won’t deny that I miss her–a lot. There’s no one to discuss the latest glossy magazines or best sellers with. My husband is in no way interested in who is the biggest bitch on Australia’s Next Top Model. Nor does he find Charlotte Dawson’s smart arseisms as funny as my daughter and I do.
There’s no one to tell me to take that off straight away! what is that you’re wearing? burn it now! I’m finding it a bit difficult to keep up with current music trends especially as I am now in charge of my ipod playlist. I miss having her to go shopping with and her suggestions for blog topics or really good YouTube clips. When I have an IT problem I have to figure it out on my own.
However in my case her absence is only temporary. She’ll be back from Europe, broke and demanding Thai Chicken Curry for dinner every night. The power bill will go up because she’ll bake endless cakes, which she’ll eat and then complain she’s getting fat. She’ll never have petrol in her car. The air con will run full pelt because she’ll walk straight into an Australian summer after a British winter. But at least my ipod list will be up to date. Image
Loaded Web Australia