OK, I’ll admit it. I’m one of the few women in this world who have not jumped on to the Twilight bandwagon. I actually feel a bit left out, but I only have myself to blame.
I tried, I really did. I read the first book and got half way through the second before I decided they were hours of my life that I would never get back and then abandoned them like a baby on the church steps. When I read the words his lovely, lovely face I just wanted to give that Stephanie Myers a lovely, lovely thesaurus.
It was a group of 11 year old girls who first introduced me to Twilight. I couldn’t figure out why their writing had evolved into trite, over-adjectivised nonsense and then I read Twilight and then as Oprah says I had an aha moment.
I tried to watch the first movie too, but the effects was so amateurish and the lighting so weird that I abandoned it too. Gosh, and I usually have more sticking power than this.
But obviously a lot more sticking power than the New Zealand man who died while watching Twilight: Eclipse. Yep, he died. They found him all dead in his cinema seat. That would have been disturbing for the ushers considering their average age is 16. I hope they get therapy or something for that inconsiderate man ruining Eclipse for them.
The Twilight phenomena is also ruining relationships according to The Times. Women have nearly lost their relationships as they ponder the many Twilight websites, blogs, fan sites and message boards. One woman admits to seeing the movie over 300 times. Really–300 times. That’s a lot. And to think I couldn’t sit through half of it?
Chrystal Johnson said that she didn’t realise there was anything wrong until she found that Twilight was sucking the life out of her marriage (how funny is that pun).
“I found poems my husband had written in his journal about how I had fallen for a ‘golden-eyed vampire,’ ” says Johnson, a 31-year-old accountant Arizona, who became so enthralled by novels and movies that she found herself staying up all night, re-reading juicy chapters and chatting about casting news and the are-they-or-aren’t-they romance between the stars of the films, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.
Oh grow up Chrystal. You’re 31 years old for goodness sake. Find some balance. Get a life. Have sex with your husband. Stop him writing lame poems.
Anyway I’ve had a think about it and I think I know why I’m not a Twilight fan. It’s because of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Now that TV show (not the stupid movie) I really loved. I keep comparing the role of the female in Twilight with Bella, all simpy and whimpy waiting to be rescued, with Buffy who would have kicked arsed that vampire Edward into oblivion with a sturdy stake through the heart.
Buffy also had a not-so-hot-as-Taylor-Lautner werewolf. Gosh this is starting to feel familiar–I wonder where Stephanie Myers got her inspiration? Was it really a dream or maybe a few too many sessions in front of the TV?
I think I’m on to something here. Image
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