Ingrown hairs getting you down? Lumpy red spots making your girly bits look like tapioca? Then it’s time for a vajacial. A vajacial you ask? Well it’s fairly self-explanatory–a facial for your vagina. Like vajazzling, it’s not really for your vagina, it just sounds better. I didn’t think it could get any worse until I thought about the Vulvacial.
Great, that’s just what we need, another regular appointment to deal with another problem that we’ve created, this time by waxing. I for one am not getting a vajacial. My waxer and I are already on intimate terms and there are boundaries that I’m not prepared to cross or pay for for that matter.
Let’s take a look at the procedure shall we courtesy of Bellasugar. For best results it should be done a week after waxing.
- Skin is cleansed with an antibacterial wash and witch hazel.
- Apply a papaya-based exfoliating gel.
- Extraction of ingrown hairs.
- Anti-freckle, anti-acne or calming mask is applied.
- Application of lightening cream.
- Growth of yeast infection.
- Application of Caneston.
I actually made up those last two, but really that can be the only result of all that product and poking around.
And now I’ve got a complex about my over-dark, freckled girly-bits. I had no idea that a non-freckled, bleached vulva was desirable. Actually it’s a long time since I looked at mine so god only knows what state it’s in and I’m only assuming they look less than desirable.
But not to worry. I’m not investigating, I’m not bleaching or lightening and I’m not getting a vajacial. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard of since anal bleaching. I have a theory, if you can’t see it, then don’t worry about it. And unless I get a rubber neck my vulva and anus are safe.
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