Love a good chick flick don’t you? I can watch Sweet Home Alabama three times a week. Someone Like You–what’s not to like? Ashley Judd AND Hugh Jackman, love story, Hugh’s really, really bad shouty American accent–beautiful. So I went to see Letters to Juliet the other day. Nah–it’s not going to make it onto my chick flick list–it was sort of terrible, but forgivable in a chick flick way.
The people at the cinema no they weren’t forgivable, their behaviour was appalling. Ahh teenagers you’re all nodding sagely, but no it was old people. Top of my list was the very large woman who bought the entire contents of the candy bar and slurped and crinkled her way through it throughout the movie. That was OK though, it was the interjections she made throughout that were the clincher. She randomly shouted out things like “Con, con” and “Bullshit artist” and “Don’t fall for it” right through the movie. The stupid characters of course didn’t listen so she had to yell louder, and still they ignored her.
She was accompanied in voice by a very elderly gentleman who asked for a running commentary through the whole movie. “Which one is he?” and “Why’s she getting in the car?”. It’s my own fault. I should have known what was going to happen as soon as I heard him singing along merrily as he made his way to the cinema. And don’t get me started on the woman who brought her friend from Sydney. They spent the whole movie catching up. That’s what coffee is for, not the cinema. Anyway I now know more about their relationships (or lack of) than I ever wanted to.
So anyway back to the movie. Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) trots off to Italy with her chef boyfriend and the cad immediately spoils it and proves his selfishness by taking her on a gourmet food tour of Tuscany. What a bastard. Me, I’m paying 100 euro a head for the same privilege next month, but not Sophie. No she gets it for free and doesn’t eat anything.
Perhaps that’s why she’s so skinny. The girl doesn’t eat. I also think she might have a thyroid problem. Have you seen that girl’s bulging eyes. Overactive thyroid if I’ve ever seen one. That’s two symptoms, really skinny and fish eyes. I have a thyroid condition too, the other one, the one that makes you fat. I recently wailed to my doctor that I wanted the skinny thyroid one, but she told me I was being an idiot–and that I was likely to have a heart attack if I had that one. Still!!!!
Anyway Vanessa Redgrave is in the movie too. She’s pretty old. Actually it’s probably what old people really look like. I’m just so used to seeing old actresses who look like Sophia Loren and Helen Mirren. Vanessa’s got all this blonde grey hair pulled back in combs (now isn’t that a fashion item that should come back in pretty darn quick). She spends a bit of time kissing Sophie and stuff. At one stage she kissed her all over her face about 18 times and it sort of got a bit lesbiany, but maybe I was bored and looking for sub-plots, which considering how bad the main plot was wasn’t highly likely.
So go and see Letters to Juliet if
- you want to see how the symptoms of an overactive thyroid present
- you want to see the Tuscan countryside
- you want to see what old actress look like if left to the natural aging process
- you want to experience unimaginative, stereotyped characters
- you want to kill two hours Image
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