I nearly ran out of petrol in my car the other day. Nothing unusual about that, I’ve done it quite a few times. I actually don’t care. I just ring my husband and he turns up with a makeshift funnel made out of a softdrink bottle and fixes it up for me.
Except the other day was different because I was on the highway, surrounded by great big trucks, and I didn’t fancy sitting on the side of the road waiting for my husband to turn up with an empty coke bottle. Now you would think, obviously, that you, in the same situation would just cruise into the nearest petrol station and get some petrol, but not me, because I have a really guilty little secret. I have not clue how to put petrol in a car.
I’ve never had to do it. When I first got my drivers licence and was therefore legally allowed to be in charge of a motor vehicle there was a person put petrol in cars for you. They filled you up, checked your oil and sometimes, if you were very lucky, they washed your windscreen. Gradually these auxiliary services dropped off, but I always managed to find a service station where someone filled up for me. Paid for the privilege mind, but still I never had to do it. I also get my husband to do it on the weekends, and lately I’ve roped my teenager into doing it, but not me. I don’t do petrol.
Well all that came unstuck the other day as I realised that my only alternative to highway anhihalation by a truck was to actually turn off the highway into one of those nifty little service centres that sells not just petrol, but dentures for your granny. So here I was, stuck in a petrol station, with no idea what to do.
So I did what I did best–I found someone to do it for me. Thank you to the lovely teenage boy who I dragged away from his eye-rolling girlfriend.
My husband and daughter are deeply embarrassed by my behaviour, but not me. Don’t care. I repeat I don’t do petrol and as long as there are obliging strangers and real serviced stations I don’t intend to.
This makes me sound like a total airhead, and I would agree except there are things that I can do that a lot of people can’t.
Things I can do that many people can’t
- I can program a VCR. This would be laudable except there is no longer any need for anyone to program a VCR. Wasted talent.
- I’m a car whisperer. I can fix bomby old cars that won’t start. This is due to the calibre of cars I have driven over the last 20 years. I know how to bash battery terminals with shoes, unstick gears under the hood and fiddle with wires to make a car start. Sadly this skill does not translate to modern cars with computer engines.
- I know heaps of stuff about nothing. Before internet enabled phones this made me an invaluable person to have on a trivia team. Sadly this is another obsolete skill as trivia answers can now be answered by any 8 year old who knows how to use google on a phone.
- I can keep control of a rearing horse. Throwback to my days of racehorse training, but I am not scared of horses. Ever seen that stupid thing that people do on retreats when they have to lift a horse’s legs to grow as a person. A doddle for me. Therefore I will never grow as a person.
- I can speak fluent French. Actually I can’t, but I think I can. French people are so taken aback by my confidence in throwing around merci, glace and fromage that they actually start laughing and revert to English as they no longer want their language mangled by a very confident twit. Image
Loaded Web Australia
Petrol = boy
Shopping = girl
Nuff said!