Gen X Journey

Because I suck up celebrity TV shows, magazines and internet articles like they’re French champagne, it’s been pretty hard to ignore the Jennifer Aniston/Gerard Butler red carpet lovefest. That’s the are they together or aren’t they together question that is on hardly anyone’s lips, and wow, that even includes me (despite the fact that I am writing a post on them, I consider this more a community service than caring).

So good people I’m here to tell you that that Jenard (I just made that up Jennifer + Gerard–you know like Brangelina) is a big old hoax. And this is how I know this. Well I went to see The Bounty Hunter yesterday and I think it might truly be the worst movie I have ever seen.

Actually, to be fair, I think Jenard’s (go on it’s a little bit catchy) red carpet groping and smooching might be far better acting than that shown in the movie. That all said, I don’t think either of these actors can play anything but themselves.

Gerard Butler plays the same arsehole with a heart that he played in The Ugly Truth. Listening to his voice barking out lines in an American accent that sometimes strays into Scottish is just embarrassing  I hate, hate, hate his American accent. I think he has gone to the same voice coach that lovely Hugh Jackman and Sam Worthington went to (but they’re forgiven because they are Australian and gorgeous). They have the same awful harsh accent that is, well, plain ear-hurting.

And poor old Jennifer plays the same old whiny girl that she plays in Management (total shocker), He’s Just Not That Into You, The Break Up, Friends and so on and so on. Maybe she and Brad split up because she was whining him to death. There has to be an element of her in the movie parts she plays, they’re all just too alike.

But I digress. Apparently in Hollywood, when you’ve got a dog of a movie on your hands, the thing to do is to play up a romance (showmance) between the two lead actors which will give you huge amount of TV time and many newspaper centimetres.

So this is the showmance strategy.

• Vanity Fair shoot
• Talkshow rounds to talk each other up and deny any romance with a sly grin
• Many, many red carpet shows with her clinging to him while she is wearing sexy/short/revealing outfit
• Hint at affection by making innocuous, yet flattering comments about each other with sly grin
• Be photographed together at a party/restaurant/fundraiser together right before movie release
• Movie tanks
• Showmance is history

Jen is a doing a great job with her showmance (she’s got a lot of experience). She says that Gerard is “so much fun” and “he’s …so unpretentious”. Gerard, charmer that he is, chimes in with “she’s boisterous”.Wow how dudded must she feel? Boisterous. What is she a Labrador puppy?

So people don’t get your hopes up for happily ever after for Jenard (see it’s growing on you) just yet. And definitely, positively don’t go and see The Bounty Hunter.