I’ve got a shocker of a cold at the moment, therefore I am tired and grumpy and hot and bothered and quite cross with the whole world. So naturally it’s time for me to vent a little. So here is my list of stupid shit that should stop in the interests of the betterment of humanity (or at least until my cold goes away).
- Panties.Only whack jobs say panties. It’s a gross word that makes an innocent piece of underwear sound dirty. If you say panties then stop. Otherwise people will think you look at awful things on the internet. If you are stuck, here are a few alternatives that you might like to use (though why you are talking about them is another issue altogether)–knickers, undies, underpants, lingerie, briefs or pants.
- High fiving.Unless you are an American basketball player then stop doing this. You just look stupid. Why do grown up people think it’s ok to go around slapping palms to celebrate? Use your words people. And what’s with the new high five–fisting? If you are English or Australian then fisting has a very different meaning than the collision of fists that it has in America and I’m not explaining it. Google it. You’ll find it, maybe with illustrations. If you are from the US and you want to fist someone in Australia then you may end up with a black eye, or maybe a term of imprisonment, or even both. If someone knows the Obamas on a personal level could you tell them not to go around fisting (they are big fisting fans in the US sense) in Australia when they visit in April. It may end badly.
- Like.I’m so like over like people saying like all the time. It’s an expression of enjoyment or a simile such as like sands through the hour glass, so are The Days of Our Lives. Teenage girls this applies to you as you are like the biggest offenders. You sound stupid, ill-educated, brainless and unemployable. Stop.
- Motherfucker.Thank you US rap singers for introducing this particular little gem into the Australian vernacular. It’s right up there with son of a bitch. These two expressions are revolting. If you say them then stop. You sound like a tryhard dickhead. Now isn’t that a nice little expression? Down with motherfucker, bring back dickhead.
- Using swear words as a term of endearment. I was listening to a radio presenter wax on about her new born daughter before she concluded the story with …the poor little bitch.This baby was six weeks old. How is OK to refer to a six week old as a little bitch? Wait till she does something really annoying. Do you call her a fucking bitch? It is not OK to swear to, swear about, use swearing as a term of endearment in the context of small children and babies. Teenagers well that’s a different story, but even then it should be mouthed behind their backs and only to make you feel better because if they catch you doing it they may swear back. And we can’t have that, can we?
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Loaded Web Australia
That fisting comment is so funny. I heard Barbara Walters say something about the Obamas are cute when they’re fisting!!!!!