1:30pm Advanced Crochet Techniques
2:30pm Lawn Bowls for Intermediates
3:30pm Proper Use of Condoms for Beginners
- 4:30pm Discussion on the Excessive Use of Viagra
I shouldn’t make jokes though because this is a real and serious problem. How awful would it be for grandma to have to see the doctor to deal with a case of STI or for Uncle Fred to forget about his prostate as he deals with a case of the clap. But is this for real, are all these oldies getting in on?
Well apparently yes. And I have insider knowledge because my father-in-law (FIL) told me so. The two main characters in this story, let’s call them Betty and George, have been getting it on for about a year now in the aged care facility where my parents-in-law live. Betty and George actually go into each others rooms and HAVE SEX.
How does FIL know this? Well apparently you can hear them all the way up and down the hallway. And George often walks out of Betty’s room with his tackle on show (he’s old, he probably forgot to put it away). Now I think all of this is really funny, but not FIL, he’s horrified (and he thinks George is showing off not forgetful). And don’t be thinking that Betty and George are TOGETHER, no apparently they’re just fuck buddies. No long term plans there.
I’ve never been there when Betty and George got it together, but FIL took me down to the common room where we hid behind the door and spied on Betty and George making out. Now don’t think I’ve turned into a weirdo pervert who likes looking at old people hooking up, but I owed it to FIL to be horrified. Actually I was a bit appalled, so appalled that I actually dropped 25 years and started giggling. Now I know how my daughter feels when she catches her father and I having a pash except she just rolls her eyes a lot. There was even a bit of groping as Betty and George helped each other into their walking frames. Oh dear.
Now bearing in mind my grown up reaction is it little wonder that staff of aged care facility workers have no clue how to handle the problem. Apparently they are happy to consign it to the too hard basket. It really would be awkward having “the talk” with someone who is the same age as your pop.
And it is the menfolk who are needing the talk because they are the more promiscuous. No surprise there I guess. And they’re the ones popping the little blue pills. And quite frankly they are probably the ones most in need of safe sex education because their generation would have missed all of that (and we women are much better educated about these things thanks to our voracious reading of magazines).
It’s a bit of a worry. FIL’s plan of attack to deal with George and Betty is the play the waiting game. He reckons that old George is about ready to pop his clogs soon if he keeps up all this shagging and then peace will reign again.