So who began their weekend listening to Tiger Woods’ heartfelt yet strangely insincere apology lifted straight from the pages of How to Redeem a Massive Fuckup 101?
But back to Tiger’s statement. Can you believe he got all religious? Of course you can. He referred to his Buddhism practice in what must be the biggest understatement of the year.
“Buddhism teaches that a craving for things outside ourselves causes an unhappy and pointless search for security. It teaches me to stop following every impulse and to learn restraint. OBVIOUSLY I LOST TRACK OF WHAT I WAS TAUGHT.”
You think!
Anyway I hope the part about Elin not belting him with the golf club isn’t true. I hope she found the biggest club she could find and I hope she hit him hard. I am actually really liking that girl. Do you know what she did after Tiger released his statement? She went shopping. Admittedly it was for her daughter, but good on her for not hiding away and for using her credit card. And she looks great, great like Princess Diana looked when she and Prince Charles divorced.
I also really liked the way she didn’t stand beside him while he made his crappy apology doing that loving, proud thing that all American politicians’ wives do when their husbands come a) out of the closet b) deny that they fathered an illegitimate child c) have an affair with a cocktail waitress or d) use the services of highly paid escorts.
Has anyone seen The Good Wife? That’s what the main character did, stood beside her cheating, dishonest husband with that pained, yet loving look. But when they left the stage she slapped him, hard, and that’s really about as good as that show got. Been a real letdown since. I wonder if Elin slapped Tiger, hard? Hope so.
Anyway everyone’s trying to jump on the bandwagon now. The mistresses want an apology. Yeah, like that’s going to happen especially since they had no idea what they were getting themselves into!
And what’s an apology worth anyway? Get your PR team to write it, practice it so many times (pregnant pauses and sincere looks included) that you can’t possibly mean it and then deliver it to a room full of crash test dummies. Hmm, words are cheap.
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